Friday, March 2, 2012

Roxy-proofing the 2009 AKC Agility Invitational

The fix was in!  Conspiracy abounds!!  Call Jesse Ventura!!!

May the meeting of the COPPAR (Committee Of People Plotting Against Roxy) begin.

Agenda Item:  We can't have a non-agility breed ruining our invitational by making finals every year.  We must proof the invitational against Roxy Berner.

Idea:  I know, let’s move it from the comfy confines of the convention center running on mats and let’s put them outside under a tent.  Running on sod.  That ought to take care of that little berner from Minnesota.  Excellent planning committee!  We are adjourned.

But here comes Friday's practice round and Roxy runs great in it, no issues or problems at all.  Oh-oh.

Emergency Meeting of COPPAR, Friday late pm, December 11th. 

Committee, there is trouble brewing here in Long Beach.  It looks like our original plans for proofing the event against Roxy has not worked.  It looks like she is not having problems with the venue and the footing   Any immediate ideas?  Yes, Mr. Hervig?  You say you assigned her crate spot in one of the lowest spots in the tent and it's supposed to rain tonight?  Excellent!  That should throw them for a loop.  Meeting adjourned.

Team Roxy enters the crating area on Saturday morning to find her crate and her crate bed literally under water.  But wait, they have Dredd's crate spot on higher ground to move to.  And extra beds in the van.  Still, that will be enough to throw them off their game, won't it?  Here comes Roxy's first run, a nice paced, clean jumpers run, no problems at all.  Oh-oh.

Emergency Meeting of COPPAR, Saturday mid-morning, December 12th.

Committee, what are we going to do?  All steps to this point have proven worthless.  Roxy Berner is still on track.  Something must be done.  What's that Ms. Craig?  Yes, the Learning Channel has made some monstrous cake that looks like a seven foot tall, seven foot wide set of agility obstacles.  It's really quite ridiculous but they insisted.  Yes, we are going to show it to the crowd during the break in between rounds 1 and 2 in the main ring.  We are also going to have them tape us presenting the top MACH dog for 2008 next to the cake.

So what is your idea Ms. Craig?  You want us to present it, not in between the rounds, but in the middle of round 2 immediately before Roxy Berner runs?  C'mon man, even for us that's too obvious, you can't do that during a tournament like this.  We can?  Really?  We can interrupt everyone right in the middle of the runs to present a cake in the ring?  Not between courses or between jump heights or at noon, but just coincidentally immediately before Roxy runs?  It seems outlandish to me but we are in desperate times.  Let's go for it.

Wait, what is that Mr. Sjogren?  You say you think Roxy might be good enough to overcome even all of that?  I can't see it but do we have any ideas to further proof it against Roxy?  What's that Ms. Storm?  You think we should not only present this thing right in the middle of the running order but then allow a bunch of dogs into the ring under the guise of having them in the background for The Learning Channel?

Yes, Mr. Hurley?  You further suggest to have one of those background dogs pee on the sod and make Roxy Berner wait even longer for their run?  C'mon man, you can't be serious!  That's too outrageous.  Nobody will stand for that!  What's that Mr. McIntosh?  You say it's only a berner, no one else will care or notice?  Interesting point.  Yes, let's move forward.  Meeting adjourned.

Team Roxy misses the jump right next to where the dog peed.  Game over.

Emergency Meeting of COPPAR, Saturday late pm.

Congratulations committee on successfully proofing the event for Roxy Berner.  It took some extreme measures but the mission was accomplished.   And fortunately, as suggested, no one really noticed or cared that we did that extremely ludicrous event right before Roxy was to run.  Well, no one but Ms. Corboy-Lulik and she runs an Airedale so no one will care about her opinion either.

What's that Ms. DeYoung?  We should let Clark and Roxy be a demo dog for the finals run, to further show to everyone that they didn't earn their way there?  Good idea, that will make it seem like we appreciate Roxy Berner.  Brilliant!!  Meeting adjourned.

SERIOUSLY, all this really happened.  Except maybe the committee part.

1 comment: